Wellington Announces Horrible Beer Festival

United They Stand, The North Island Responds to the South Island's Inclusive Festival.

After Recent beer festival failures seen over the last few years at Beervana, The Winter Ales Fest, The Pacific Beer Expo and various bar and brewery events, the capital has decided to take a leaf out of the South Island’s mantra and change the their ailing format.

Speaking from her office Beervana Director Kate Paterson said she was sick and tired of seeing the south island have a strong hold on the festival market. “Every time I see and event announced from Christchurch I just wonder how I keep missing the boat, you can’t teach that kind of cool” said Paterson.

Paterson is probably referring to the latest offering announced today from the Garden City “Just a bloody good garden variety seen ‘em all run of the mill old fashioned beer festival” hashtag: #jabggvsosearotmofbf. Dominic Kelly Director of the unpopular Pacific Beer Expo said he was once again enthralled by such a catchy name. “You have to take your trucker cap off them, this kind of stuff is groundbreaking, a watershed moment even”

The two Wellington festivals have united with the failed Winter ales Festival and Craft Beer Capital to counter with an exclusive festival of their own “The pack of miserable pricks proper pint fest” hashtag: #prickswhodrinkproperpintsonly

Showcasing white men in Kathmandu polar fleece with branded elbow pads sporting 568ml pints, this festival promises to be better than anything the south island has to offer. Peter Moran of Craft Beer Capital said in a statement to TMTB “We have worked really hard on this and when people see the normal looking guy on the piano accordion they will lose their shit”

Auckland also announced their new format late summer beer festival as well: “The Same as Wellington Beer Festival”